Thursday, February 18, 2010

Beachy Keen

Itsy, bitsy, teeny, weeny; may not be for you or me.

A few days ago I was discussing swim suits with my sister. It was not wishful thinking – in a few days I am blowing this literal popsicle stand for the golden beaches of Jamaica to celebrate my tenth wedding anniversary. A few short weeks later sis is hitting the rarefied sands of Grand Cayman.

Thus, like the annual exodus of the bear from hibernation, we were poking our noses into the air and reviewing our options for exposure.

I may have mentioned that now that she was of a certain age, the string bikini was less of an option.


Don’t get me wrong – sis is a bird-like specimen who has to blow out her stomach to fill out a size four. (We look nothing alike. I got the Nordic genes…oh yay.)

So clearly she COULD wear a string bikini quite well. But…and here I will trot out my favorite mantra of all time…just because you CAN, doesn’t mean you SHOULD.

My daughter is going to learn to loathe that statement.

Because even 40 year old actresses whose whole life revolves around being at peak physical attractiveness, look atrocious in a string bikini. (Hint: CLICK HERE FOR PHOTO EVIDENCE)

At some point, age appropriateness wins out over our body’s ability to stay young. Thus, the string bikini, the mini skirt, and the skinny jean stop making you look good and slide rather closer to making you look like you are trying to shave seven years off your age.

You would be better off just making do with the thrill when the obviously in training tween waiter asks for your photo ID as you order your cocktail.

This hardly means bikinis are out altogether. Cleavage at any age, when done right - can cause its own heat wave. There are plenty of well cut bottoms that still use words in their descriptions such as “low rise” and “rio”.

You can still be a sexy beach bunny - just a wiser, more experienced rabbit!


Ever since Victoria's Secret started putting 13 year old models in their swimsuit photos, thoroughly skeezing me out, I troll the Venus swimwear catalogue. Not every suit is a winner but they have a plentiful selection and a super swim bottom style finder.

Here are two winners:

AND Swim Bottom Style Finder:

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