Thursday, January 28, 2010

Safety First

I like to be liked. It is not as if I go along to get along but I do work hard not to ruffle feathers. I have had my Sally Fields' moments when I realize people like me and it amazes me.

I admit I tend to sugarcoat things, worry too much about what others think of me, and spend a lot of energy being deferential to complete strangers. I keep my cards close to my chest for the simple reason that well, I would rather play it safe.

A lot of effort goes into living your life in neutral. You fear that moment when emotion might overtake careful control. I do not really know when that fear of isolation took over my socialization skills but I battle it back continually.

During the State of the Union, amidst the pundits, the anticipation, the politics and the prose I envied President Obama. He stood up in front of the globe and said just what he thought. He told off the Supreme Court, chastised the Republicans and even smacked his own party on the nose. Just like that. He did it knowing he might lose some friends, anger people and be validly refuted.

It was like watching an American Idol audition -- horrifying yet you wished you had the guts to do it.

This blog is a sign that I am making great strides in moving outside my comfort zone. What if you do not like what I have to say? What if you never realized I held that opinion? What daughter grew up to view me as inauthentic?

Life gives you many chances to hide your feelings and many opportunities to share them. You can find yourself agreeing with someone because you have known them forever or keeping quiet about something because someone you admire would not agree with you. The perspective needs to change for me, I need to value my own voice.

I will continue to strive toward my own Sally Fields' moment where, I like me, I really like me.

I received a Nine West gift card for my birthday - oh lucky me!! - so I have been scoping the site. I adore these on trend for spring gladiators (in grey leather) to wear with capris, minis and jeans!!

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