I am the first to admit I want it all.
I completely believe in the concept of Super Woman.
And why is that? What is my, our - us, as women - compunction to feel like we need to have it all? Do it all. Be it all. Is it because for so long we were given our roles in life? Is it that we are indeed the stronger, evolved gender?
Could it be as some have claimed, that we are selfish and egotistical, refusing to compromise our needs for the betterment of our families and the greater community?
Is this artful balance not simply living life to its fullest?
But what happens when the "all" takes on a slightly different appearance than what was in your head?
In your dreams?
Does it make a difference?
I recently made a decision that alters my "all". That changes the appearance I had developed of my palette of family, career, love, hobby and friends.
So now I am obsessed. I spend a great deal of time worrying that somehow I have compromised myself. I have failed to have it all because I have chosen not to take a certain step. To not gild a lily as my grandfather was fond of saying. Usually in reference to his perennial restaurant order of a Gibson and the end cut of roast beef. But I find the saying works equally well when applied to my life choices.
Because truly - why risk it? Why, when I think I have it all, why keep looking for more?
And that is where I am in my thinking today.
(Of course, a wise and dear friend has told me these things take a good year to work through, I hope I feel the same a year from now.)
So what do I conclude?
Perhaps, I haven't compromised my "all" one bit. Perhaps, I still have it and it is still complete - all the basic components teetering and swaying in happy mayhem. I just decided to stop looking for more.
There is a song I love by Terri Clark, "I Wanna Do It All" -
'I wanna do it all
See Niagara falls
Fight city hall
Feel good in my skin
Beating the odds
With my back to the wall
Try to rob Peter
Without paying Paul
I wanna do it all...'
You can do it all.
You just have to embrace what your "all" is.