Wednesday, May 5, 2010

The Newest Entry in K's Guilt Hall of Fame

Mom guilt is universal.

I signed up for it, I get that. I accept it - not very graciously but I accept it.

Okay, so I fuss about it, obsess over it, over compensate...but still, it was no surprise that there would be mom guilt.

Recently, I have begun experiencing a new kind of mom guilt - a kind of sub-category I will call spousal guilt.

This sub-guilt comes with a nasty viral strain of annoyance making it rather complex and immune to known antibiotics such as massage, mystery books and jewelry.

Things at work have heated up recently and in true gentlemanly form the love of my life has offered on occasion to be the "pick up" for Baby C's care in the evening so I can work late.

Typically he has morning duty and I, the evening, which requires my leaving at precisely always too soon o'clock from work. Which can be frustrating if you have for instance, recently had your workload doubled.

So the guilt...

What if I do not feel like working late on the evening proffered??

What if tomorrow is better? What if it is better next Tuesday when, unbeknownst to me, hell shall wrent a jag in my deadlines and I will need to work late?

What if I say "No, thanks. Not tonight." - will that say to the love of my life that I am not really that busy such that I am not jumping like a parched runner in the Sahara 10K at the chance for time to keep working?

Is there something wrong with me that I am not grasping at every opportunity get my work done and excel, heck, maybe even exceed mine and other's expectations?

On a good day I say nay.

I say well, maybe it is because I lay awake last night making mental lists of house and work stuff and that my early morning accomplished two tasks around house before leaving for work and tonight when I get home I have four more things to get done and I'll actually probably toodle on some work stuff too -- so noooo...tonight isn't going to work to stay late at the office.

On an average day I figure I am really just lazy.

But there it is. A simple thing really.

A kind offer of time.

So why is it that my immediate thought is - Time on someone else's terms?

That, my friends, is my new guilt.

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